Poker

If dating is a game and you are a player, what kind of game would you be playing?

Would it be Monopoly where you hastily claim your property? Or would it be like a Minefield, you play in the unknown and more often than not, got blown up out of blue? Or would it be like Go, lots of strategy despite simple rules? Or Chess, you mount all kinds of men then knock them out of the picture, awaiting to attack the King of them all just to realise that it is the most useless piece on the board?

I like to play poker, never reveal all your cards to your playmate until the time is right. Any sooner and either you are stupid or ignorant of the rules or you just don’t care enough about the game.

Once a guy asked me if I was seeing anyone else apart from him and being a nice and honest and completely unaware of the existence and power of game at that time, I told him no. NO! Should I have the chance again, I would have just smiled and asked him ‘why would you want to know?’ or ‘how about you?’ or anything else to steer him away from the subject, anything else but giving him a definite confirmation. It doesn’t matter if I was actually seeing anyone else, it was the impression and the mystery that I create that would keep the guy intrigued and keep the guy thinking.

*Rule number 5: Sometimes being honest isn’t necessary. The truth is precious, that’s why we cannot waste it.*

By avoiding the subject, the guy would probably think that you are trying to hide something, which makes him incline into thinking that you do have someone else, which brings multiple benefits to your side. First of all, he wouldn’t feel threatened by you being needy and clingy (*Note: guys, especially 20 to 35, are all commitment-phobe. They can’t stop themselves from thinking of all the fun and all the sex that they would be missing if they decided to settle down with someone. So emphasizing early on in the relationship that YOU want to be the centre of his attention is just going to make him run miles. It’s easier to penetrate into his life and his mind if he loosens up and when his guard is down.)

Another benefit comes from a man’s nature of being competitive. If there’s only him, winning you over would be a challenge, but the existence of other male rival makes it a competition, think about it as a double dose of adrenaline for him. Mother Nature has beautiful ways of displaying the female’s prerogative in choosing partner and the male having no choice but constantly fighting to be the best for a chance of passing his genes down, just look at the peacocks, the birds or the mammals. The competition is going to make him try harder but there’s always the risk of him being in the game for his ego but not the prize (which is you). But fear not, because the imaginary competition that you created for him would have doubled your value in his eyes. The thought that other guys desire you as much as he does would remove any residue of doubt that he may have about your attractiveness as well as your personality and simultaneously shoot your value up like Apple’s stock after Ipod.

*Rule number 6: You value is 50% of what you are and 50% of what people think you are.*

“Happy new week! Let’s go out and meet some new faces this week, I haven’t met anyone new for nearly a month!” – P

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“I’m sorry”

I’m sorry if the previous post was a bit personal and emotional, I didn’t mean it to be that way, I know that I said this blog would be fully dedicated for my dating life only, not about my own emotional roller coaster and all the trivia shit that happens in my life.

Yeah, as if I would say that! In actual fact the only thing I’m sorry about is that I’m not at all sorry. For one thing, this is my blog so I do whatever I wanna do, criticise as you may but the power is still in my hand and I can delete any stupid comment any time I want. The second thing, which probably and usually the case, is that people don’t give a shit about my post so that even if they read my apologies they’d more likely to ask ‘what are you apologizing for? We don’t care!’

This whole apologies and I’m sorry talk came to me as I spoke to this girl whom I met on some social occasions. Nice girl. Saying I’m sorry way too much for her sake. You accidentally slapped her arm, she’d say I’m sorry first, because my arm was on the way. The waiter poured water on her dress, she’d say I’m sorry for sitting here. The date was late for 2 hrs, I could see her saying I’m sorry for being here 2 hrs early. I think it maybe better for her and for people who meet her on daily basis if she just writes ‘I’m sorry’ on her forehead. It comes to the point where I don’t know whether to feel annoyed or  pity her, someone who has to be sorry all the time for her actions, like she is sorry for her own existence.

Then I realised it’s not only her, she maybe an extreme version but we are all a bit like her, we just say sorry in different ways. If a guy doesn’t call after a date, we’d go through it a million times, trying to pick up on our tiniest micro actions (or ‘mistakes’ like the way we like to call them) and eventually after all that soul-eating process, we come to the conclusion that it’s our fault that he didn’t call (‘Oh, I should have done that!’, ‘Oh I shouldn’t have done that!’, ‘Oh, why did I do that?’, ‘Oh, why could I be so stupid!!!’ and the likes). Why would you make excuses for the guy? It’s like you are coating a shiny layer of a winner-ness onto a pathetic loser who just kicked you in the curb.

Ok, maybe it’s because we don’t want to admit that we are not desired by even a loser, but remember, he’s a loser because he couldn’t see what a beautiful and interesting person you are, he’s losing out on you and that’s why we call him a loser! And instead of sitting there torturing yourself into some kind of crazy ideas i.e. call him, stalk him, text him or initiate any kind of communication with him first, why don’t you go out and find someone else to have fun with.

*Rule number 3: Men are like underground trains, one goes and soon another one will come. You don’t waste your time chasing after the one that already left but wait for the one that is coming. Because there would always be one on your journey.

I am a great believer of not texting or calling the guy first after the first date. Calling me old-fashioned or narrow-minded or whatever you like but chances are, if he likes you enough, he’ll make it happen. You don’t want a coward who’s so shy or so afraid of the risk of being rejected so that he’d rather miss out in life. And you also don’t want an arrogant player who likes girls to chase him and to queue up to get a date with him. You want a guy who likes you enough to spend 2 minutes on the phone making it happen. (*Note: this doesn’t apply to girls who insist that they just want the bad boys who find joys and self-esteem in breaking girl’s hearts or girls whose mother instincts are premature and overgrown so that they purposefully look for the weaker boys to dominate. At the end of the day, you find what you look for.)

* This may be bent a little after the second and third date, after the ground has been established, it’s no harm in calling him first, in actual fact, if you don’t, he may mistake you not being interested. Just don’t call him all the time.

Another reason for not saying sorry constantly is that it makes you look pathetic. We tend to associate people with words that they use most. Someone keeps inserting interesting or fun in her conversation and our simple sub-conscious mind associate her with those adjectives. Likewise for people who are sorry all the time. To men, it doesn’t make you look feminine, it makes you look weak and sorry and spineless and boring. In the society where, sadly, men becoming more and more like women, men tend to prefer girls with a bit of a fight, a bit of a spirit, a bit of a challenge, it keeps things interesting.

*Rule number 4: Don’t be afraid to express yourself. Don’t be sorry to be yourself.

“I sneezed when I was doing an upside down Yoga position today and nearly broke my neck. Never knew sneezing could be so fatal!” – P

To shit or not to shit…

I don’t give a shit. When people say that, it usually means that they do give some shit but either too embarrassed or too lazy or too cool to admit it. Otherwise they wouldn’t be bothered to say it in the first place. But I don’t give a shit. And I don’t say that to make myself look cool or fashionably miserable, I say it like the way I write down the title of the essay before digging in the analysis and evaluation as of why I don’t give a shit and come to an equally miserable and useless conclusion as all the essays that I ever written on the world economic. Apart from the fact that it is about my state of mind, not some kind of world’s crisis.

Nothing seems to get me excited anymore. My life has become a painfully familiar routine. When I was at university, there were all the fun, all the expectations as well as surprises and all the future to look forward to. But now I’m working, even only for 6 months, every day is the same, getting into work, getting out of work, go home, may go out but can’t be too late because you don’t want to get to work the next day with the I-got-smashed-and-got-fucked-last-night face. Occasionally you met someone exciting, but not everyone is as exciting as they may seem at first. I thought the train guy 3 was cool but then he wasn’t interested at all (well, eff him). The square guy was alright but I still feel something was lacking, he could be good friend but I’m not attracted to him. Funny how something or someone may look cool and interesting from far away but when you get close they are plain and boring and all the same.

Is this a blessing or is this a curse that my mind works in such a logical and rational way? Someone says that accepting that anything can happen is the beginning of wisdom, but isn’t it also the beginning of boredom. If anything can happen, nothing can really surprise you anymore. And it’s a miserable life without surprises, when you can’t be amazed at life anymore. And isn’t it sad to feel that way when life is full of amazing things to see and to experience. The crazy baby throwing a tantrum at the traffic light, the prophecy that the WWIII is going to happen at the end of this year, the little maze, the volcano ash, the ripen banana, the name Luron etc. sometimes I wish I could see life with the fresh eyes of a baby, no preconception, no prejudice, and then everyday would be like an adventure for me…

An innocent cup of coffee

Always be careful when a man asks you out for a cup of coffee. It’s a non-verbal way of saying ‘You are attractive (if he doesn’t find you attractive, don’t even expect tap water from him let alone coffee) but not sure if you’re worth $50 dinner-for –two and /or if you’re interesting enough to sacrifice the poker night with the lads’. It’s when he’s unsure about you, you are a possible, but not yet a potential.

The church guy asked me out for a coffee yesterday. It’s reasonable considering I’d just talked to him once and only for 15 minutes. Coffee is the first test to establish whether we should ever see each other again and if we do, as friends or as potential lovers. I came straight from work in a fitted low-cut black top and knee-length blue skirt. The top screams sexy but the skirt says it’s effortlessly and unintentionally sexy.

*Rule number 1: Wake up in the morning and dress as if you are going on your first date today. You never know when the opportunity strikes so better be ready for it.*

After seeing me, he suggested going for a drink instead, which was an indication of him being captivated by my physical appearance and decided that his chance to score would be higher if I was under influence of alcohol, also in a bar with low lighting and comfy seats, the intimacy is more likely to arise.

*Rule number 2: Men are motivated by sex. They might deny it or even defy it but it has been hardwired to their brains since the day they were blessed with the Y chromosome.*

The conversation and the cocktails were flowing like rain into a paper cup. He was the charming and talented guy who was trying to impress me with his travelling around the world and his singing (which by the way, was very good). So what do you do when a guy like that impressed you? Act like you haven’t been impressed, compliment him in a way that you would compliment your 4-year-old niece who had been successfully potty trained since he was 3 on taking a perfect poop. Nothing new or exciting but you complimenting that act is obligatory for your niece to grow properly. Same for the guy, otherwise he would feel unappreciated and frog-jump to the conclusion that either you are a boring stick or you are emotionally moving in a different wavelength.

Laugh as if you are amused with yourself. Listen to his jokes and say ‘Oh I could imagine that!’ and start laughing to yourself. Don’t just say ‘Oh you are soooo funny!’ Pet his ego but don’t caress it. You don’t want it to blow out of proportion, which can lead to serious future problems should you decide to settle down with this man (to be cont.)

• I decided to start this blog after realising that so many of my girl friends are miserably single or miserably hanging out with highly deluded, self-centred yet spineless individuals who they call boyfriends. The fact hits me like a football hits the player on the crotch. It wouldn’t be that painful to acknowledge if my girlfriends are also highly deluded, ugly and spineless individuals. They are these beautiful and independent girls who are chased after by men of all ages but their choice of men and their dating skills are so poor they end up either being single or too lazy and tired to look for someone worthy, they chose to settle down with some lucky losers. I wasn’t that good at dating and meeting men either, but I have a convenient habit of observing and learning so all the lessons that I have and will be learning on my dating journey will be recorded in here and hopefully be used as a point of reference to avoid future mistakes.